This is a brief life story. I hope it inspires and gives you hope that you too can overcome anything and thrive.

Sheltered, protected and emotionally alone

I spent my childhood very sheltered, over protected, but emotionally starved and alot of the time I felt very alone, misunderstood and unheard. I grew up without a dad and a bit of a different setup to other kids I knew. The dad situation is a whole other thing, I had to face from the age of 16 when I found out a life crushing truth about him.

Anxiety, and losses no one could see

I had anxiety and panic disorder from early childhood. But it was a silent struggle for me, as I didn't understand what it was, and I had no one to talk to about it. I was never believed in the mornings before school. I used to genuinely feel so sick. But because my mum was stressed about having to go to work, she didn't have time for that. I was met with anger, frustration and disbelief.

Between the ages of 9 and 11 I also suffered trauma's around losing a very important man in my life who I grew up with and adored: my grandad, who died of lung cancer due to excessive smoking. I'll never forget that cough at the end. I also traumatically lost my beloved dog, who I adored and grew up alongside. He was more like a brother to me and he was the one I talked to, because he silently listened with big brown eyes and unconditional love. Huge losses I had to navigate alone.

Vulnerable, unseen and groomed at 15

Because of the sheltered childhood and the lack of anyone I could open up to, I was very vulnerable and subsequently groomed at 15 by a very toxic, quite frankly, evil young man. Five years on and off with him was some of the most awful trauma of my life. Sexual abuse was the norm; he had full control over me, he even once referred to me as "his puppet", so you can imagine the hell I was subjected to.

Because I knew no different and had no one I could tell, I was trauma bonded, and even after we had broken up I suffered another instance of sexual assault under his control.

At 27, my mum was diagnosed again

Thinking I was being saved from this awful human, I met and fell deeply in love. And then at 27 my mum got cancer again, this time breast, brain, lung and liver. There was no coming back from that this time for her, and that time in my life was very all consuming and heartbreaking, but I had to become the protector parent to my mum.

When she died, I broke. I didn't want to live without her and I didn't know how to. I started having panic attacks again, every morning before work. Then I would put on the happy positive mask and no one knew what I was dealing with. Again. Alone.

My "saviour" boyfriend at the time was like a rock back then, and I thought I'd be with him forever. We were SO happy, like sickeningly happy. But then my world got turned upside down AGAIN. After getting married to the love of my life and having two beautiful children with him, a switch flicked and he changed. He became distant, cold, covert narcissistic traits came out like his mask had fallen away and he completely changed. Even his family noticed the difference.

Ten years of a marriage that hollowed me out

I spent nearly 10 years in that toxic marriage, and by the end I was a ruin of my former self. And just to make matters worse for my mental health, I was so stressed, all day every day. I had health anxiety that was made worse by a case of Salmonella food poisoning, after which I couldn't eat any of my normal diet. Everything made me feel sick or have a bad belly. I was scared to go out in case I had a bout of the runs, and I was scared to eat anything. Health anxiety got out of control and I'd ring the doctor or 111 a lot thinking I was dying of something.

My husband didn't help at all. He'd make me feel like an inconvenience, being difficult, crazy. He even humiliated me in front of the family about it. I still went to work, I still had to be a mum, and somehow I held it all together.

I went to a kinesiologist as I was at my wits end. I was losing so much weight and so weak in my body, mind and spirit. She told me I was intolerant to gluten, wheat, some dairy, chicken, onions... the list went on and was basically my entire diet. I was devastated because I am such a foodie. But a man called Joe Dispenza changed my life. I'll mention him again below.

Covid, two small children, and no way forward

As I was battling mentally and physically just trying to stay afloat, trying to make my marriage better with the hope my husband would somehow, miraculously, become the man I married once again. He did not. Instead, at the beginning of Covid lockdown in 2020 he left me. For someone else.

I was faced with crushing heartbreak and all of this while somehow raising my then 5 year old who had just started Reception, so I had to home school her, and I also had a 1 year old, very needy, high energy little boy. It was the lowest mentally I'd ever been. My future and whole life just crumbled and I was left in a heap, alone. I barely survived it to be completely honest. If I didn't have my kids as a focus to get myself better, I don't think I'd be here.

There is more to my story. He even returned for a short period in 2023! But I'll keep that for my book. Let me tell you, it has been hell on earth. But I survived. Somehow. I've had many dark nights of the soul, heartbreaking losses, and moments where I genuinely couldn't see a way through.

Meditation, Joe Dispenza, and rewiring the story

And then, after about 30 years of all that pain and suffering, I finally started to figure some things out. During Covid I started to practice meditation. For the first time in my life I felt what it was like to be calm: to quieten the noise and stop the constant spiralling thoughts. What a relief! I was then introduced to Joe Dispenza's books, teachings and meditations and I threw myself into that completely, as it all just made sense. It helped me rewire my brain, my limiting beliefs, and really have hope for a better future.

I was sick of the patterns repeating, the same toxic men I was attracting, and I was sick of feeling sick all the time, and it was all because of my internal subconscious beliefs, and I HAD THE POWER TO CHANGE THAT. So I was determined to do just that. I delved into shadow work, inner child healing and the rewiring process. Understanding why I kept attracting what I did into my reality. What I actually believed about myself, deep down, underneath all the stuff I'd plastered over it.

Healing is hard, intense and gruelling. It is painful to see the truth sometimes, but it is necessary and really will set you free.

Change your thoughts, change your life!

I returned to myself, and to love

So thanks to Joe Dispenza's work, my own hard work, dedication and determination to get better and live a completely different life, I had to become a different person. But ironically, that person was just me. At my core. Before all the external programming that affected the outside world I was experiencing. I no longer suffer with health anxiety. I no longer have food intolerances. I no longer wake up with the feeling of dread. I no longer have panic. I no longer have a broken heart. I no longer think that life hates me. I AM creating the reality I want and deserve. My life has completely changed. I've completely changed. I've returned to myself. I've returned to love.

All the while, the intuitive gifts had been quietly developing. I've always felt things deeply: other people's energy, what's going on beneath the surface, the things people aren't saying. For a long time I just thought I was "too sensitive." Turns out that's actually a gift, and now I am putting all my "gifts" to good use to help others heal and grow.

So now I use all of it: my healing energy, the tarot, the intuition, the Reiki, the shadow and inner child work, and the lived experience of having been properly kicked down by life and clawed my way back. I use it to sit with people the way I wish someone had sat with me. Without rushing or dismissing. Just validation, acceptance. No judgement, only love, compassion and truth.